At least I am a black belt in talking

My two childhood fantasies: being in Dragon Ball Z and being a ninja.

What do those have in common?

They involve kicking people’s ass.

So when I saw this ad for karate class offered at the YMCA, I realized this is my chance to make those dreams come true. Of course, they can’t teach me how to fly, but at least now my friends will think twice about pissing me off.

I went to the first trial class last night. I kind of liked it because we got to stand in front of the mirror for an extended period of time.

You know how in movies they always tell you that “we learn martial arts not to fight, but to help people, blah blah blah…” Not these guys. This is a typical conversation from last night—“you don’t want to block like that, because if you are attacked from above with a club or a bottle, you will still get hurt…” or “in a street fight, ...” Obviously, these guys take a practical approach to martial arts.

I like that. If I am a black belt, I am pretty sure I will be beating people up on a regular basis. You might as well.

But now that I have been to a class, I also realized my own limitations. The instructor demonstrated a punch. It was so hard that I thought he would crack the wall. If one of these landed on me, there is no chance that I would survive. Maybe I am not meant to be a fight, and I should leave it that way…

What's up, Michael?

Phelps won 8 golds last summer, i won 5 in one day.









Textbook


I swam in high school, and I hated it. Swimming is a winter sport, and you can imagine my excitement every day after school when I walked in the snow from class and finally arriving at the warm field house, only to dive into the ice-cold water again. I was also in what our team liked to call the "slacker's lane." If I weren't such a slacker, maybe i would have learned how to swim backstroke. So after the last race in my final season, i decided to hang my goggle and call it quits. i was ready for something else. my speedo-wearing days were over.

5 years later, somehow i decided to join this ymca swim team and put myself through the same ordeal all over again. maybe being a hypocrite is fun and addictive. i might make a great politician.

after getting back into it for a month, my coach decided that i was ready to race. so he signed me up for 5 events at this Leathersock meet at Hartwick College. At one point, I literally just finished a breastsroke race and had to climb back onto the block immediately for another 50 freestyle.



I wish i didnt have to tell you this, but i will be a terrible liar if i don't confess that the only reason i got 5 gold medals was that i was only competing against myself. some 30-year-olds may finish ahead of me, but we are ranked by age groups (from 18-22 all the way to 80-85) and most people my age do have a social life that will not allow them to wake up at 6:30 on a Sunday morning. Well, they can get all the girls and beer belly they want, i am happy enough with my medals.

happy birthday

What did you do for your 20th birthday?

I went on a date with a 27-year-old in my pink pants. it sounds more fun than it actually was. so i didn't want my gf's 20th to be as uneventful as mine.






wat did i get her for her bday? it's a secret i will never tell. you know you love me.

xoxo, gossip girl


I am Chuck Bass

Casino royale

Last weekend, I went to Seneca Niagara Casino with people at work.

I brought Kim because I thought if I run out of money, at least i can sell her and try to win the money back.

The downside of it was that the moment we got there, i had to feed her first. So we went to this buffet at the casino, which is supposed to be one of the best dining facilities in town.

This is the only buffet I have been to where every single item of food was disgusting. i thought that was remarkable. they should consider it an achievement. the service was exceptionally good though.

Group casino trip is never a good idea. if you are winning millions, you still have to leave when everyone else does. and if you lost everything too early, there is nothing more torturous than getting stuck in this depressing place because there is basically nothing you can do for free to kill time. This is when you realize how handy money can be.

Kim and I quickly found ourselves in that situation after a few hours. Nobody would buy Kim for money, so we went to see the fall. Thank God at least that was free.



The atmosphere outside the casino was completely different. everyone around seemed so happy. When I tried to loosen up a bit, I could not help but think about the astronomical sum i just donated to the casino. i looked down the fall and briefly considered jumping in, but thought better of it because i should wait at least until after seeing new episodes of Gossip Girl.

Back on the bus, nobody looked genuinely happy. Some looked like their paychecks for the past months have just gone down the drain. Not willing to talk about gambling, they chatted about food with a forced smile.

"so did you go to the buffet?" this lady asked her friend.
"Yeah," she replied.
Kim and I exchanged a glance, looking forward to whatever they had to say next.

"It was soo good right?" There wasn't a hint of sarcasm in her tone. She must have lost her mind through gambling. But maybe she actually liked the food.

So perhaps casino really isn't for us. the smoke makes me sick, and the environment consumes you. you can't tell day and night, and the whole time, my normally creative flow of will power was wasted to two boring words—break even.



Well, I should lay low for a bit. talk next week